Flashy new sports cars. Long-barreled antique guns. Gold-plated everything. Have you ever noticed that the things men tend to buy to overcompensate tend to be ridiculously expensive? Sure, we get that that’s sort of the point of overcompensation, you’re proving your manhood by throwing your money around recklessly, just because you can. But what are you supposed to do if you’ve got a tiny dick AND a tiny bank account? A ten-year-old Porsche with three tires and the engine missing just doesn’t have the same impact, you know? You might be a foolhardy, testosterone-fueled guy, but you’re not so foolhardy and testosterone-fueled to throw away your retirement fund on a shiny new toy.
Boy, do we have a solution for you. This Giant Pen will surely advertise your fear of emasculation to the world, and it costs significantly less than that gold-plated revolver you’ve been eying like a would-be-James Bond villain. Besides, all those other things are a bit too subtle, anyways. Everyone will assume that Smith & Wesson in your pocket and that Challenger in your driveway are poorly-veiled attempts to divert attention from your tiny pecker, but they’ll never really be sure. With this giant pen, there’s no mistaking it. The packaging screams “It’s so BIG!” and “I wish I had one that big!” The pen itself is 11 inches long, and marked with big bold letters proclaiming “MY PEN IS HUGE.” The space between “pen” and “is” is even smaller than the other spaces, in case anybody still had any questions about what you’re really trying to say. Overcompensation mission accomplished, and all while preserving your bank account, if not your dignity.